Have you begun to despair that your diligent work to undermine the Clinton presidency is going unappreciated? Does it seem as though nothing you can do will bring federal stormtroopers to your door, or send FBI agents to your neighbors to ask pointed questions? Is it beginning to look as though you’ll never be anything but a subversive “wannabe”?
Well, cheer up! President Clinton has resurrected the Nixon-era White House Enemies List, and now you don’t have to be an officeholder, prominent media figure, mad bomber, or rich campaign contributor to have your own place in the spotlight. In the Clinton spirit of inclusion, all you have to do to get on the new list is APPLY. Yes, under President Clinton, inclusion on the Enemies List has become an entitlement!
Just send President Clinton a message by e-mail detailing why you think you deserve to be recognized as an Enemy of the Clinton Administration. I’ve already sent in my application, a copy of which accompanies this message. Feel free to use my application as a model for your own, and don’t be intimidated by my extensive list of qualifications—if you failed to vote for Clinton in 1992, and have stated publicly that you intend to repeat that act this November, you probably qualify.
Don’t miss out on this historic opportunity. Send in your application today.
From: Kevin McGehee
TO: Bill Clinton
DATE: 6/10/96 12:16 AM
RE: Copy of: Include Me In!
Dear Mr. President:
I have heard about the brand-new, updated and revised 1996 version of the White House Enemies List.
I would consider it an honor and a privilege to have my name included on a list of such historic importance. I am therefore writing to request that my name be included in your next request for FBI files to update your list.
My qualifications for inclusion follow:- Registered Republican immediately upon attaining the age of 18.
- Maintained GOP affiliation for 15 of the last 16 years.
- Voted for Ronald Reagan in 1980 and 1984.
- Voted against you in 1992.
- Voted for the Republican congressional candidate in my district in 1994.
- Attended a speech by G. Gordon Liddy at my alma mater during the 1980s.
- Listen regularly to Rush Limbaugh on the radio, and watch his TV show whenever possible.
- Listen to Liddy’s radio show whenever possible.
- Belonged to College Republicans in 1990.
- Hold a Life Membership in the National Rifle Association.
- Edit and publish a bimonthly newsletter promoting the individual right to keep and bear arms since January 1993.
- Have written numerous letters-to-the-editor and commentaries critical of your administration, including a guest column in a weekly suburban newspaper in California opposing your election in 1992.
- Have written a series of Internet-distributed commentaries critical of your administration’s positions on gun control, property rights, law and order, and political corruption.
- Have written several Internet-distributed commentaries critical of your character.
- Recently wrote two Internet-distributed commentaries speculating on prospects of your being impeached and sent to prison.
- In 1994, registered to vote as a member of the Alaskan Independence Party, which favored secession of Alaska from the United States, and voted for that party’s nominee for Governor of Alaska.
- Have made derogatory remarks publicly about the femininity (or lack thereof) of the First Lady and Attorney General.
Mr. President, I’m sure that after reading my list of qualifications you will agree that very few private citizens are as qualified for inclusion on the 1996 White House Enemies List as yours truly.
Upon my inclusion on the next updated version, please send by return e-mail a .GIF file of my certificate proclaiming that I, Kevin McGehee, am an officially recognized Enemy of the Clinton Administration.
Gratefully yours,
Kevin McGehee
