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Why aren’t you asleep?

They have jackets for every activity!

What’s Christmas in the 21st century without this gem?

Ding, fries are done!

Say: “A guy throws his drum set out the window.” Then click the red button.

Shamelessly stolen from InstantRimshot.com.

Bartender (Intended Prank Victim): “Hello?”

Prankster: “Uh, hi. I’m looking for someone who might have gone down there tonight, her name is Huggenkiss—“

Bartender: “Yeah, I know her. She got

I am not blogging.

...the letter AAARRRRRR!!!

So The Atlantic hires a certified moonbat to photograph John McCain, and although the cover shot chosen by the magazine is more or less conventional, the one she preferred is somewhat ... darker.

So

...but taking second place in a caption contest is more like a cheesesteak with a pickle spear and a side order of nice, hot fries.

Simple human decency from a progressive is like kryptonite to Sarah Palin. Fortunately the proggs on this planet have none.

This could be getting out of hand.

McCain taps Alaska governor

…for VP

Me: “Uh, hi. I couldn’t help but notice you were looking my way just now.”

My neighbor’s trampoline:

Me:

My neighbor’s trampoline:

Me:

My neighbor’s trampoline:

Me:

My neighbor’s

Horrible dream the other night. In the spirit of “The Brady Bunch,” “Bewitched” and a whole mess of other recent movies, Hollywood had decided to do a movie remake of “Gilligan’s Island.”

They had

That‘s. Just. Wrong.

I’m not gonna vote for the backstabbing, media-whoring son of a bitch after all. Instead, the Get Offa My Lawn Party will be nominating and supporting an entirely different son of a bitch.

Today at 2:00 p.m., hams across the country begin “Field Day,” a 24-hour activity designed to practice emergency-power operations, make contact with a lot of other hams far away, and if possible

I was first introduced to the “Philly”-style cheesesteak while living in Fairbanks. Almost every “standard” cheesesteak I’ve ever eaten had melted Swiss cheese on it.

In 2004 I discovered—at the

Me: “The seed in that feeder is at least a couple of years old.”

Sparrow:

Me: “Especially way down at the bottom. I tried to clean that stuff out once before but it’s really caked in

I really don’t think the cartoonist who drew this meant for the guy to look just like Al Gore.

Me: “So, I hear that Chick-fil-A guy is opening a pizza parlor now.”

Holstein:

Me: “Do you suppose he’ll be offering beef toppings on pizza? ‘Cause if you ask me that’d be a bad marketing

You may have read about scientists finding evidence that suggests the expansion of the universe is actually accelerating. I think I may know what’s causing this to happen.

Yesterday I made the

Tick: “Well, this is embarrassing.”

Me: “You look nervous.”

Tick: “Nervous? No, I’m pretty calm, considering. I mean, you’re gonna kill me now, right?”

Me: “Yeah, I guess I’d better. And you’re

Romey: “Sshhh! Giddown! They’s a light on in Mulliet’s trailer! Wait, it’s Mulliet! An’ she’s nekid! Git the camera, Bubba, this is gonna be goo-oo-ood!”

...unauthorized cameo division.

This doesn’t look good.

XKCD is a recent addition to my daily webcomic rounds. Click the image.

G’wan. I dare ya.

I’m working on a musical, “Osama, Where Art Thou?” Here are the lyrics to what I think will be the most popular song of the show.

I am Ayman al-Zawahiri
I have known trouble all my days
I have bid

After losing the presidential election in 1996, Bob Dole went on (IIRC) Letterman and displayed the quick-quip talent for which he’d been known on Capitol Hill (but not on the presidential campaign

I’m working on a marketing project and need some help from my readers.

A celebrity with a familiar name is planning to introduce a new breakfast cereal, and has managed to win the endorsement of

Berke Breathed thought he was joking, but this actually highlights one of the most galling things about the corrosive hypocrisy of the proglodyte left. This guy is having a crisis of conscience.

Apparently, three bullets.

AP reports that Snorky (center, top, with trunk) of the Banana Splits has passed away from a pulmonary edema at the age of 61, a week after forwarding the final revisions

Open primaries, the early years:

In a comment thread on this post about a multiracial (but not black, or even partially black) actor on “Saturday Night Live” playing Barack 0bama in political skits, PW guest-blogger Dan Collins

[To the tune of “Dirty White Boy,” in case you wondered]

Hey, buddy, if your numbers are down
I know what’s good for you all day
Are you worried what your friends see
Will it ruin your reputation

How about some rejected campaign songs for His Hopey-Changeyness?

• “Sweet Homey 0bama” by Lynyrd Skynyrd
• “Para Votar 0bama” by Richie Valens
• “Barry Me Not (My Name Is Barack, Dammit!)”

Well, that was

And I promise you won’t see it coming until the next-to-last panel.

A prediction from the funniest cartoon coyote since Wile E.:

It would perfectly illustrate John McCain’s vaunted “electability,” which is just as mythical…

Well, they do tend to go straight to the…

H/t, if he wants it, to Rand Simberg.

All those ungrateful African-American voters who think they can just get all up in her grille and $#!t, better listen close to the wife of the First Black President™.

At HotAir.com, some malcontent named ronsfi is already trying to break up the GOMLP:

This is offensive to people who don’t have lawns. I hearby declare the Get outa’ my hallway faction of the Get

Except that Israel-bashers will of course get it backward anyway.

Okay, neither did I—but I heard it was good.

Update, March 26: Thanks to a heads-up about some recent progg shenanigans about McCain’s teeth, I’m having to reconsider the humor of the picture previously posted in this entry.

For what it’s

In the extremely unlikely event the respective parties’ nominations were to go to the winners of their respective Iowa caucuses… es, I have the perfect name for the fall campaign:

HUCKOBAMAPALOOZA!

It’s 2008. According to rumor, an election year.

Can’t be. We would have heard something by now.

Tonight at 7:00 p.m. on the History Channel: “Modern Marvels: Rocks”

I’m just not comfortable with all these newfangled ideas.

Chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream is nature’s perfect food.

Or it would be, if nature had come up with it instead of a clever human.

[...]

D’oh!

...if not like this?

H/t: Joanne Dave Worley.

Even the comics are getting political. Sort of.

I said no. You can’t make me.

<snicker> “Grape Ape.”

It’s been a long, long time since I posted two comic strips in one day…

The nerve of him, suddenly deciding to practice journalism—and at a Democrat debate!

Heh heh (read the subsequent few comments to see the real reason I’m chuckling).

Update: Yeah, yeah, I know, I know. It’s just that it’s so rare for people to forget I’m not as funny as I think I

...it must be getting almost time for another “icescraper.”

Looks that way.

This is what happens when I’ve eaten too much candy. H/t: Leslie.

I get to looking like this sometimes while driving. And when I get to “one,” I look pointedly into my rearview mirror.

Sometimes the other guy actually backs off.

Inspired by the question posed here:

1. “Were you acquainted with the man who committed this senseless act?”
2. “Did you ever suspect him of being mentally unstable?”
3. “I’ve burst into flames—would you piss

From No Pasaran by way of Dan Collins at PW:

He’s coming to save the universe!

...another in, apparently, a continuing series.

The Consumer Product Safety Commission has ordered the recall of a Chinese-made playground accessory due to concerns that children might be injured while using it.

Yung Chop Manufacturing, a

I admit I’m a tad surprised.

Last night Chris and I had an errand to attend to at the local branch of Global Hegemon Bank, and as we awaited our appointment with the Fourteenth Assistant Minion-in-Attendance to entertain our

After waiting in line behind a handful of other shoppers, Cheney paid for his items and left as quietly as he arrived.

» Who runs Washington? Dick Cheney wants to know

Where does this evil overlord

Are some questions truly stupid?

Just found a chunk of spam in my inbox with links pointing to an ISP in the Philippines and claiming to be from Bank of America. Except there’s a typo in the FROM: field.

Bano of America

One thing’s

Shakes on a Train

“Mother@#$!ing shakes! On a mother@#$!ing train!”

But no. Everyone’s still doing puns on his name. Talk about a waste of Hsu leather.

The lolcat sickness has spread. H/t: Andrea. (Yes, that Andrea. She’s having issues with Movable Type. I don’t think that’s ever happened.)

OMGWTFLOL!

To quote the artist, “I’m very, very sorry.”

<snicker>

I give you Schrödinger’s LOLcat. H/t dicentra in a comment at Protein Wisdom.

Inspired by this and this, I commented this. Which resulted in this.

In a word, “Heh.”

Shaddap. There’s a comic strip below the fold.

...when she reads this thread at QRZ.com.

I’ve had an idea to sell chocolate-covered cinnamon rolls and donate a portion of the profits for birdwatching groups. I’d call them “Audubon Bismarcks.”

(Other execrable business ideas here.)

The other day I inflicted the following on my wife, who had just arrived home from work during a rainstorm:

Me: “I don’t know if you saw when you came in, but one of the rolls of pennies broke and

Years ago, when I was in college, one of my professors noted a theory that you could get a better idea of how a judge was going to rule on any given matter before his court, not by researching his

It’s destined to become an internet phenomenon.

...the Gitmo mouse trap.

A Bruce Campbell character makes an appearance in today’s “Evil Inc.” strip by Brad Guigar.

No, not Ash—Mag Nanimous.

(Or, I suppose it could be this MODOK clown I’ve never heard of. But I’d prefer

By email from Chris:

“Has anyone ever told you you’re cute when you’re homicidal?”

I really hate it when an exciting new show turns out to be bogged down with subplots and long speeches. I think this won’t last beyond the second episode—especially with all the, “Previously on…”

So, the other day I sat down to read the paper, and I realized I didn’t have my reading glasses readily to hand. So, I get up and go looking for them. And for some reason the theme song to one of

SCENE: Command center of the Death Star. TARKIN and VADER are discussing attack strategy with ADMIRAL MOTTI as they approach the rebel base on the moon of Yavin.

MOTTI: “We’ll have the weapon

...in today’s Day By Day.

And in Get Fuzzy, two great tastes that taste great together:

Do you actually keep gloves in your vehicle’s glove compartment?

Just a little lightheadedness.

8 of 9 named to county’s library board

It’s good to know Jeri Ryan isn’t the only former Borg to return to a normal life.

Ala. Woman on Horseback Charged With DUI

“Dressage while Under the Influence.”

Cox & Forkum offer an interactive cartoon for your mousing pleasure.

Day By Day’s resident liberal goes face-to-face (ahem) with the downtrodden victim of Yankee Ziono-Imperialism.

Heh.

Brit ‘Sorry’ Video

Well, she should apologize. Those pictures of her unclad hoohoo were totally uncalled for.

By email from Ken Summers, some pics below the fold.

...to sharing my long-held opinion of Mapquest.

...to understand why Rob and Satchel look so confused.

I’m still finishing second in the OTB caption contests, but my second-place caption in this one was really a collaborative effort. So, I want to thank all those anti-war trolls who have tried to

Howard Dean demands apology.

Afterthought: She wouldn’t really have needed to use that word to talk about Johnnie Edwards—everyone knows “metrosexual” means the same thing.

Apparently, the destruction of the Death Star was a controlled demolition, done to frame the perfectly innocent Rebel Alliance for making war against the Empire.

Let’s see how those reactionaries at

It’s full-size below the fold.

Politician-environmentalist Al Gore made a mock attempt at announcing his candidacy for the US presidency at Sunday’s Oscars but was yanked from the stage before he could get the words out.

Queried

Snow Knocks Out Power, Cancels Flights…

Boy, you take a guy off the Fox News Channel and make him White House press secretary, and the power just goes right to his head.

It’s full-size below the fold.

Still just short of a win.

And also, Happy (belated) 198th Birthday to Abraham Lincoln, and a slightly early Happy 275th Birthday to George Washington.

Bush has two moles removed from forehead…

Well, we’ve been wondering how the New York Times has been getting hold of classified information about the war on terrorists, and don’t pretend you hadn’t

I couldn’t permalink to Wednesday’s “The Whiteboard” until today’s went up. It’s about the funniest thing I’ve seen in years.

Here.

If you’ve already seen it, well excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me!

From reader Dick Thompson, some pics below the fold.

H/t MVRWC.

Critics are concerned that the [Hooters’] scantily clad servers don’t fit the image the city seeks to project in its Big Beaver commercial district.

» AP:   Detroit suburb loses Hooters fight

H/t:

I am the master!

Spending all my days, All my money trying to get out the vote Doing anything to become Madame President But when the campaign starts, I’m right back where I started again Everybody’s gone and I know

I know it’s a few weeks late, but that’s how things go sometimes.

Arrrrr, the herald angels sing,
Yo ho ho to the newborrrrrn King!

See, it was worth waiting for.

I’m really starting to have my doubts about this throwaway society of ours. Why do we need to throw out the old year every January and replace it with a brand new one? Why not just take the old year

...‘cause the Iranians and the North Koreans want your nose!

He’s an elusive critter, wily and sometimes meaner than a snake.

If you ask an expert—and there are few to be found—he’ll caution you to take extra care around these horned rabbits.

The jackalope

...am I sensing a disturbance in my referral logs?

...despite all the ointments and pills that were supposed to clear it up.

Over at The Indepundit I chimed in on a satirical post by Citizen Smash, and the follow-up by ChrisG (December 7, 2006—10:22

Click the image to see more. H/t Dean Esmay.

What do you call a giant marshmallow man who’s had his legs amputated?

Up until a couple of weeks ago, Yippee-Ki-Yay! World Headquarters was trudging along with a Kenmore washer-dryer pair that Chris had for many years before we were married. Over the years I had

“Wapsi Square” cartoonist Paul Taylor understands.

Got a freebie in the mail the other day, one of those five-bladed Gillette Fusion shavers. I’ve used it twice now, on those limited portions of my melon where I’m still controlling the growth. It’s

It’s okay to make fun of Jack Murtha???

Oh—that fruitcake.

So as usual I’m browsing headlines on various news sites (hint: those sites listed at the top of the right-hand sidebar) when I happen to see the Casper Star-Tribune’s headline on a link to an

It’s a Sunday comic strip, so I’m putting it below the fold.

...please think of the Domo-Kuns!

Vote Republican today. Because ugly little brown creatures with sharp teeth are depending on you.

I once won finished second in a caption contest with the words in the title of this post, but it’s also pretty darned good advice.

The Durbinator, on the other hand, has always been an asshat of the

Every time a Democrat gets elected because a Republican didn’t vote, God kills a kitten.

Please think of the kittens.

“If you can punt it, it shouldn’t be a dog.” (H/t Smash)

If I were living in Virginia, I’d be hard-pressed not to vote for a write-in Senate candidate who could say that.

I once linked another strip showing his mouth, but it was a hotlink. This one won’t disappear!

106 mph wind gust in Tennessee!

(As linked on Drudge—not the actual headline.)

So, Al Gore’s returned to his home state, has he?

Flyover Blogdom was my first real blog, which I threw over like an empty Coke bottle for blogoSFERICS when I decided I could do this blogging thing after all.

Though it only lasted a few weeks, I

My 2¢ is a collection of items I managed to save from the years—mostly the year, singular, give or take—before I started blogging in May 2002. Out of sheer boredom the other day, I trolled through

Nurse ‘Savaged’ by Enraged Giant Pig

Admit it. You’re sitting there already thinking of a hundred jokes. The first one that came to my mind was, “What did she do to make Helen Thomas mad?”

Hey,

It was one of those evenings Chris and I sometimes have, where something or other sets us off on a “can you top this?” chain reaction of riffs on this or that humorous theme.

At a radio club “eating

So I’m sitting at a railroad crossing, because the lights started going and the cross-arm started going down just as I started approaching it. And I’m waiting for the train to show up so it can get

...pretty much what he’s doing on his southern border to keep all of the illegals out of his country.

The hypocrite.

What is the point of making your body look like some old easy chair or hobnail boot?

No one should be allowed to own that much mayonnaise even with a federal hazmat license!

...they’re good with ketchup.

The kid’s right. His grandpa is deeply weird.

She: “There’s one of my favorite things: politicians accusing other politicians of playing politics.”

Me: “In other news, Peyton Manning is accusing Donovan McNabb of playing football.”

Hey, lookit that, 69°. I don’t think I’ve posted a temp below 70 degrees since I’ve been doing that. Anyway…

You know what Swifties are, right? Here’s an example: “Does anybody know how to cure a

A Yippee-Ki-Yay! Conceptual Series. (Maybe.)

”What would you do in my shoes?”